By LYNETTE PINCHESS
When their son was diagnosed with autism three years ago, the outlook for the Button family seemed bleak. Mum Lynsey and dad Gary were bombarded by negativity but they were determined to turn that around. LYNETTE PINCHESS reveals the progress they have made. AFTER the heartbreak of their daughter being stillborn Gary and Lynsey Button wanted everything to be right with their second baby. But by the age of nine months it was obvious that Harley wasn't like other babies. As time progressed, he began lashing out in frustration, he didn't interact and would stare into space. When he was two, he was diagnosed with autism, a brain development disorder which affects social interaction and communication. Gary, 32, and Lynsey, 31, were heartbroken for a second time.
"It was devastating. The child we'd longed for was not going to be that child," said Lynsey, a former nursery nurse turned full-time mum.What's worse, they were surrounded by negativity – from people's reactions and everything they read. "It was always 'he can't do this, he can't do that'," said Lynsey. "I wanted to turn that around. Three years on we are as normal as the next family – we just have to work a million times harder at it." Through tough love, hard work and perseverance, the Buttons, from Mapperley, are helping four-year-old Harley deal with the obstacles affecting his language and social skills.
The right support is crucial. Harley attended a special nursery at Gedling View Family Centre for 15 months. Lynsey said: "Every day was really difficult for him and the staff, who are trained to work with autism, but it opened up the world for him." Harley had a specialised teacher who worked with him at the nursery and at home on a pilot communication scheme. He didn't start talking until he was three and there was a presumption that he would need to go to a special school. But the youngster defied the odds to go into mainstream education.
When he was three-and-half he started pre-school at Westdale Infants in Mapperley, where he had one-to-one support from a special educational needs co-ordinator. This month he moved into reception class. He can read, write and knows the alphabet. "It is fantastic – he loves it. They have commented how well-behaved he is and how polite he is," said Lynsey. This wasn't always the case. When he was younger the disorder caused Harley to punch and kick during outbursts. A trip to the shops used to be a nightmare but Lynsey was determined to overcome that hurdle by taking him to the supermarket or a large store such as Mothercare and Toys R Us every day for nearly three months.
She had to endure unkind comments and insults from other shoppers who witnessed Harley's agitation – often at the checkout. Lynsey said: "People called him names like freak. I was told to shout at him and smack him. "I haven't any energy for that. I just have energy for Harley." Instead of shouting, Lynsey used alternative methods. "I have been so strict – tough love all the way through and it's working. "I have disciplined him really hard from day one, using a lot of visual signs. "Shouting does not work. If he hit out I would show him a picture of a sad face. Over time he started to understand emotions."
Later, as Harley started to understand that punching and kicking was wrong, he would be sent to the naughty step "more times than I've had hot dinners," said Lynsey, adding: "He would come back and apologise. You get back the work you put in." Children's birthday parties were another trauma for Harley and the easy option would have been to decline, but as Lynsey says: "You can't lock them up." In the beginning Harley stood out from the crowd. "He would never play with other children. He'd stand there on his own, or run around the building or check out the plug sockets – a typical trait of autism. "We could have kept him at home but we persevered and now he plays all the usual party games," said Lynsey. Airport Determined to have a normal family life, the Buttons have been taking Harley on holiday abroad twice a year since he was six months old.
"I persevered with him struggling and lashing out on the plane. It is hard work and a hell of a strain on family life but the rewards outweigh that. "We have a normal life. We just have to adapt and prepare him for things," said Lynsey. Before flying to Alicante recently, the family made six weekend airport runs to Birmingham so Harley would become accustomed to the terminal. They played chase and hide and seek, turning what to him seemed a big scary building into a fun place. Lynsey said: "Harley now refers to himself as a frequent flyer which he read in an on-board magazine, which makes us smile."
Autism makes it hard for children to interact but Harley has a fantastic relationship with his 17-month-old brother, Mason, and adores playing with him. Some people with the disorder have shown amazing talents for maths, music and feats of memory. And Harley, who turns five in April, has an intelligent inquiring mind. "He can write Roman numerals up to 1,000. He started learning them after seeing Big Ben in London. School didn't believe it so they asked him to chalk random numbers and he was spot on every time," said Lynsey. "He is teaching himself Spanish – he goes to bed with a phrase book. And he knows the majority of the Highway Code – he wanted that for Christmas. He's incredibly bright. He's like a little sponge. Lynsey has spoken out because she wants to convey the message to other families that autism is not "this awful 'naughty' disability". "I want to show people out there if Harley does react differently, he's not naughty – he thinks differently and sees thing differently. "If you put in the hard work and commitment you can have a normal life. My son is happy and funny and, even with all his differences, he loves life."
Source: http://www.thisisnottingham.co.uk/ho...l/article.html
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